he is extremely online. he is a new father. this experience has made the world feel strange and porous. he watches his life as if it were a movie with uncertain stakes. he notices the specific chord of a train horn, the way a cat dodges human feet for the thrill of replayability. he thinks hay fever might be communication from the trees. he sees conspiracies in mundane things, as a joke he tells himself. he loves his wife and the baby is the most intense thing he has ever known. he wonders if this is sleep deprivation or finally waking up to how things really are.